Michael Angelo, the famous sculptor once said, “The promises of this world are, for the most part, vain phantoms; and to confide in one’s self, and become something of worth and value is the best and safest course.” Such wisdom instructs us to covet our secrets which is difficult to do; but, easier to do with a complete stranger.
It was an ass backwards day and this cougar wasn’t about to let a bad start determine the rest of her day. So off this cougar went in search of some well-deserved pampering. The only problem she faced was that it happened to be the 4th of July and all the salon’s were closed.
As this cougar scoured the concrete Serengeti in search of an open salon, she came upon the mall and decided to see if one of the upscale department stores had a salon that was open. This cougars’ persistency paid off and her name was added to the list for a mani and pedi and she quickly settled into a chair, relaxed, and waited.
Minutes had passed and an extremely beautiful Asian lady came up to her and said, “I understand you like a mani and pedi.” This cougar was captured by the lady’s perfection. Her face and skin were flawless- as well as her make-up. It was as though the cougar was gazing upon a touched-up photo. No fly away hairs were seen. She was slender and her body proportion was near perfect. She wore a tight-fitting polka-dot red dress that was a perfect match to her red-trimmed white stilettos. She was really put together well. This cougar does not reserve deserved compliments and could not help but say, “You are so beautiful. “ The Asian lady smiled and with her oriental accent said, “Honey- Ay am sisty yeers old, you kno.” This cougar immediately responded, “No way! You are not. You look like you are about 35 years old and not a day over 40.” The manicurist continued smiling and said, “No. No. No. I tewl you da twooth. Ay am sisty yeers old! “ And so the connection between this cougar and the Asian manicurist continued and they continued chatting while the manicurist worked diligently on the cougars’ finger nails.
This cougar could not understand why someone so elegant and refined was working as a manicurist. The Asian lady looked more like a socialite to this cougar. And so this cougar couldn’t help but pry once more and asked the question and this cougar was amazed by the Asian lady’s candor. She began to reminisce fondly about her rich husband and how she once lived in a magnificent mansion at the edge and high up on the Malibu cliffs. She said that she lived like a queen with no worries and that her husband adored and took care of her and every detail.
One day, her dear husband died suddenly; leaving her in despair. Although she was rich, she quickly discovered that she knew nothing. Didn’t know how to clean, how to cook, how to pay bills, and didn’t’ even know what she owned or owed. The Asian queen was in bad shape and still reeling from the loss of her beloved.
Then, the Asian queen’s brother-in-law arrived from China to help her arrange her life and she and her children were extremely grateful. “I caynt tewl you how happy I was. He did every-ting. He fix it awl.” And soon the Asian queen’s life was being handled and went back to normal as the brother-in-law had promised. Months’ had passed and things got steamy between the Asian queen and the brother-in-law. Love was brewing and she said, “I fewlt good and since he was his brother, I tawt, why not? Dat way, money is stiwl in fam-i-lee.” So she agreed to marry her dead husbands’ brother and the Asian queen felt safe and happy.
It happened one day when her husband was away on business, she received a certified letter of eviction. She called her husband and he did not call back. She called the mortgage company who stated that the mortgage was behind in many payments. She called the bank and discovered that she only had a few thousand dollars in the bank. Her annuities were cashed out and everything of value was either withdrawn or sold. Heirlooms were gone and she realized that she was penniless. She became hysterical. She told me of how in that moment something snapped inside her and that the sight of her was dramatic; like a scene from a movie.
What little fortune came upon her was when her children arrived to see her in such a dramatic state as she was ready to fling herself over the Malibu cliffs. “Stop!” They shouted. Her children clung to her as she tried to escape; screaming, “I go kiwl him! I go kiwl him! He take every-ting! Every-ting I tewl you!” My eyes were wide and fixated on her story. She said that they held onto each other and cried and her children repeatedly pleaded with her not to hurt herself. Although she vowed to kill her husband, she knew that she would never see him again.
So now, this is why the Asian queen was now a manicurist. As she told the story, I could not help but wonder why she had a victorious expression on her face. So, this cougar pried once more and asked why that was so and she said, “Oh…gurl. Don’t fewl sawee for me. I tewl you. I got it goooood. I have a boyfwend who is fawtee and he is weel go000d to meeee, I tewl you. He give me Murhcedes Benz an dah house that is weel nice. I is vewee happy, I tewl you. I have every-ting I want and my kids are happy too! I tewl you this life if good to me right now. And I am not stupid no mow. I don’t put up with dah shit you see.”
We laughed and in the end, it is true that this world makes no promises. I suppose that the best way to live in this world is to become something of worth and value so as to give back and also help yourself and if you have secrets, remember that the safe course is to always rely on a confidential confidant.
thiscougarhassomethingtosay 