They tinker with sticks, forage, and fix; but, cavemen are quite the breed.
Take the available caveman. Yes, it’s true that his sexy prominent grin, hairy back, and Flintstone toes can make any cave girl quiver. But all cave girls need to think before they mate; PRIMATE that is.
Although mate-able cavemen have tiny brains, this does not deter them from their tactical mating efforts.
Caveman Courtship (Pre .com era dating)
The spouseless primate’s sexual objective is concealment of all stone age habits. This primate’s instinct is under control and is refined so as to taunt, lure, and capture a hot Cro-magMa’m. During this pre.com dating period, the cave dweller is known to exhibit the following hygienic habits:
- Shit, shave, show and shine behind closed doors
Additionally, the cave dweller will follow the following protocol when the Cro-magMa’m is present:
- No scratching behind the loins
- No picking for gravel in either the nasal or anal cavity
- No belching
- No “buddy cups” gas farts from the buttock to the mouth
Strict observance of the rules enables the cave dweller to nab even the most observant Cro-magMa’m.
Yabba Dabba “I do” (Prehistoric wife capture continues)
After the caveman has clubbed his Cro-magMa’m, she is taken to the cave where soon after, the carnivorous creatures’ behavior changes. His behavior reverts back to the day when Dino roamed the earth. This plate tectonic behavioral shift is due in part because the caveman is keenly aware that he has finally bound, gagged, and bagged his cave babe.
For the first time in ions, the long-time member of the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos soon discovers that once the I do’s are said and done, he can act as prehistoric as his ancestors. Case in point: This prehistoric cougar was enjoying the evening with two friends who have been cave dwelling together for several years. This is how the conversation went:
Fred Flinstsone– Baby I’m so f*icken drunk right now that even you look good. Can I lick your v@gina? Giggle giggle giggle
Wilma- Oh, baby. How vial!
Son of a Brachiosaurus! You would think that such smutty verbiage would in some way imply the caveman’s deep emotional devotion and heightened desire for the love of his life; but, I think not! Goes to show you that a lot goes on down stairs but they still have itty bitty brains. Sadly, such cave talk from big dim-witted meat-eaters forces Cro-magMa’ms to wait a while before the stone-based calendar system tells her when it’s ok to mate with the monkey. Lord of the Flings knows that she doesn’t want to holster another meat-eating monkey on her hip.
Although the clever clubber’s trap initially worked since he was able to bed the cave babe, the cave dweller will soon discover that mattress nabbing requires intellect and strategy. Us cave babes will have to wait for either the manners to kick in or for the brain to grow. Most likely us cave girls will have to wait for another evolutionary cycle or the end of another ice age for that to ever happen to any of the cave dwellers that said, Yabba Dabba “I do”