Urban Dictionary defines the word cat call as “A loud whistle or a comment of a sexual nature made by a man to a passing woman.”
It is difficult for this cougar to understand why the modern day cave dweller practices the cat call. To understand the reasoning is another story in itself.
This cougar believes that cat caller’s can be divided into two classes; ethnic and professional. If this cougar is offensive with her observations, the caveman needs to be reminded that this cougar was offended first by the cat calling actions of a cat calling ruffian experiencing a sexual meltdown.
My first cat call encounter was at the budding age of fourteen. Sounds creepy so far, huh? Well, read on. It happened while I was walking home from Catholic school and the fact that I was sporting my parochial school uniform helped the creeper’s vivid fantasies. As I turned a corner, there was the creeper; a grease monkey working on a car. He lifted his head (wrong head) ok? Uh hum and bam! I heard my first cat call; “Chhh Chhhh” What the hell was that? Oh for the love of chhh chhh chingdadah! Ewwe and he said that so weird. Someone, anyone… please toss me a chastity belt and fast!
Latin men are notorious cat callers. It’s like they have initiations to join the Cat Call Club in which mandatory monthly meetings are held; a fraternal order of some sorts. This class of men continually fail to brainstorm and never change the call. Their cat call’s lack vision and creativity, “Chhh Chhh” Good job, Beauford!
Shocking to think that a few of these men have broken away from the group due to the groups lack of visionary verbal content. Apparently, a revolutionary change was in order. Must be all that left over change from the Obama Administration. Haaa haa Ouch! So, these Renaissance men’s new cat call is, “Hey mami!” Yipes! The thought of mommy and me role playing is fricken disturbing. Please… Go find a rag doll or something plastic. Damn Neanderthal Man!
Sketch Artist Rendition of the Modern Day Cat Caller
No disrespect; but, when I think about how I’ve been cat called by the aphrodisiac fellows out there, it is usually used in the form of a sort of sentence and not even real words to form one; “Hey boo!” Strangely, the action is then followed by a wet tongue gliding- slowly over the top lip! Ahhh! Again, no disrespect; but, is that afro-ogre serious? Inquiring minds really want to know right now! Black, Anglo, Asian, construction man, if that’s what you do. Stop it! This type of multi-tasking cat caller is a cry for help. By incorporating cat calling with lip sex, the cat caller is fully aware that he will surely fail and still, he follows through with his signature cat call. Why? You might ask yourself this question. Answer- How the hell would I know? All I know is that he will never be a hero and will always bat zero. He is the primary reason why the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus was written.
Sadly, American men are the best in the rotten bunch. This class has improved the cat call and has made remarkable evolutionary progress. Yes, ladies. As sad as this may be, we must admit that evolution has occurred. Their wolf cries actually form a full comprehensible sentence; “Hey, Hey Baby, or Hey you” Applause! Wow, I am impressed! This batch of men should be given extra credit for their simplistic sentence structure and also for their efforts in attempting to actually communicate with the opposite sex. I mean, wow! It’s a real sentence! Ok Butch. Let me throw you a bone!
Simply put, the catcall will get Fred Flintstone nowhere and fast. Women hate it. It’s primitive and demeaning. How should a woman reply to a meaningless cat call? One clever girl said what I thought was the best response, “Aww… so cute. Look at you, thinking you’re so clever. Someone should give you a fuckin’ cookie.”